Wednesday, August 01, 2007

through this field of trees

... or in this case, links:

Sailor gets revenge for internet insult - lesson learnt. Don't call people nerds, even on the internet, and especially if they have a name like "Pyrodice".

Phone mast allergy 'in the mind' - alternative title: No. Fucking. Shit, Sherlock. Seriously, if you believe electromagnetic radiation from phone towers is affecting your health then you need to do the following immediately:
  1. Get out of your house. Your TV, microwave, stereo and hot-water cylinder (not to mention your electric blanket!) are emitting death-rays as we speak. Get out for christ's sake!
  2. Get out of town. You're surrounded by houses full of TVs, microwaves, stereos and electric blanket. Everyone you know is wearing an mp3 player. Get too close and you will be infected.
  3. Whatever you do, don't use a car to leave the place. It's chock full of electro-mechanical-jiggery-pokery. To be frank, it's a death-trap. Walk.
  4. Oh crap, you don't have those fancy nikes with the interface with your mp3 player, do you? Sorry, you're right fucked if you do.
  5. Get out in a field along way from civilization and take off all your clothes - they're probably saturated with oodles of electromagnetic waves from all those years of exposure.
  6. Die of pneumonia. Please.
Adolescent rats enjoy cannabis more than their elders and Marijuana wreaks havoc on brain's memory cells - just how the heck do we get in on these experiments anyway?

Aussies to stockpile Kiwi biometrics in central database - sadly, none of us can put away our tinfoil hats just yet. Can you spell "thin end of the fricking wedge"?

Oz mayor stole cash for Darth Vader voice distorter - sigh. In America they call this "thinking small".

Beavis and Butthead in London jihad - On the last UK bomb-plot. Choice quote:
So why is this such big news? Because clowns have got to be passed off as terrorists. Because a vast industry depends on terrorists, real and imagined, to justify its existence. We live now in the grip of the security-industrial complex, and that hungry beast demands to be fed. We feed it money hand over fist, and in return, it feeds us fear biscuits, which we are expected to accept with gratitude.
"I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING": Satan Concedes Coulter Was A Major Fuckup

Try time-outs; spanking suggests to children that violence is OK - 'nuff said.

Violent video games on the brain and Study finds stable personalities unaffected by violent games - if they'd come up with different conclusions I would have KILLED THEM ALL!

Booze worse than Speed or Acid shocker - and guess which ones we ban? Anyone? Anyone?

And finally, a couple of good links courtesy of Mr Kung-Fu Monkey - Why Americans Hate the Media and Hollywood's Profits, Demystified.

This week my favorite song is The Editors, Smokers outside the hospital doors. I do like a good crescendo. Video ain't bad, neither.

A penguin goes on holiday to the Bahamas. He's driving down the road when his car starts spluttering and eventually grinds to a halt. He manages to push the car to the nearest mechanic.

The mechanic warns him that he'll be a while, so the penguin should go and amuse himself for an hour. As he starts off down the road in the baking heat, he is delighted to see an ice cream van. However he can't hold a cone in his flippers, so the ice cream man puts a big plate of vanilla ice cream on the pavement in front of him, and the penguin lies down and gorges to his heart's content.

Having cooled down, he returns to the garage where the mechanic is still busying himself with the car.

As the penguin comes in the mechanic says "it looks like you've blown a seal."

"Nah," says the penguin, "it's just ice cream ..."


1 comment:

Apathy Jack said...

"Satan Concedes Coulter Was A Major Fuckup"

That's odd, I was reading a letter from God that was much along those lines.